Please don't eat the books...

LOLs

2010-12-07T19:21:00.002-06:00

Hey everybody! It's been a really long time since I contributed to this blog but I felt like I needed to today, so here I am.

Today was Little Old Lady (LOL) day. Seriously. I don't know if they all came in on a bus together or something but every other customer I helped was a grandma-lady over 70 that had a list of books to find for themselves or their grandkids. And a grandpa-husband carrying bags looking for somewhere to sit down and take a snooze while their better half takes care of the shopping.

Every single list was written on paper that looked like it was from the Depression and, they were rationing it too. There was old lady cursive scrawled on every single available space of that tiny Post-it note that has no stick left because it has been in an ancient steno notebook at the bottom of your purse next to your old Kleenex and hard butterscotch candies FOREVER!

And I just have to say...statistically, not every grandchild in the world can be "bright" and "reading way above his/her level." There have to be some dull bulbs out there. I would much rather help someone find a book for a kid "who just likes the pictures" or "wants something short with some mazes or dot-to-dots in it." At least it is honest.

Last week I was taking a grandma back to kids and she said, "My grandson's really bright, he's really an advanced reader."

I said, "They--," and then I stopped myself. I was going to say, "They all are."

Let me put this out there, if you know a kid who would rather read a comic book or look at pictures of animals or play with one of those books that only exists so you can push a button and hear Spongebob/Cinderella/Dora/Elmo talk...send them my way...I have just the book for them.

Plus, if I sell it, all the other kids that "shop" at the store won't be able to drive me nuts with it!

Book crush

2009-08-25T15:35:00.002-05:00

I have a new book crush on "Shelf Discovery: The Teen Classics We Never Stopped Reading" by Lizzie Skurnick. It's awesome.

http://www.lizzieskurnick.com/news/

Not even crickets.

2009-08-20T11:24:00.003-05:00

Last night was great. There were no children in the store after 8:00 p.m. Today was the first day of school. And then the heavens opened up and the angels sang, "HALLELUIA!"

I am not that jaded. I am sad to see Summer go. It is my favorite season. And I think Summer is sad to go, it rained all day yesterday, which must have been Mother Nature crying that the kids would no longer be able to play outside in the sun all day. Oh, wait...they spent all summer indoors at the bookstore playing, not reading...oh, nevermind. Jaded it is!

And I still have a week before I go back to school. Maybe she was just raining on their parade of the last day of summer...no matter, It was quiet at work and there were no messes to clean up before I left.

"So long sweet Summer....It's cold where you're going, I hope that your heart's always warm."

- Dashboard Confessional "Age Six Racer"

Danger, Will Robinson.

2009-08-20T11:19:00.002-05:00

Remember my rant about the dangers of the kids' section? Let's add one more.

The other kids' lead caught a man masturbating in the section. While watching children. Yeah.

So now its happened. Kids are NOT SAFE in the bookstore. Please watch them!! You need to watch your kids, dammit!

He ran away when she yelled at him so there were no police called. A report was filed. She said she wanted to throw a book at his head; I told her good thing she didn't, she probably would have been sued.

Next Time, I Won't Bother...

2009-08-20T10:46:00.004-05:00

I got yelled at by a customer yesterday, it was awesome.

A little girl, little, like 2 years-old, was walking out of kids yelling "Mommy! Where are you?" I asked her if she was lost and got down on her level so she wasn't scared. She couldn't tell me her mom's name or her own. I called my manager. He came over and we walked to the mall end of the store where the mall playground area is thinking she may have come from outside the store. The little girl didn't see her so we went back to the customer service desk. Customers keep walking past tilting their heads saying, "Oh no, is she lost?!"

At this point my manager says maybe we should wait for a parent to realize she is lost or call mall security soon. We walk back into kids and a woman is off to the side. I ask her if this is her daughter and she says "yes." I tell her that she has been LOST for several minutes...the woman is shocked, or at least pretends to be. I say something like, "Gotta keep an eye on the little ones!"

Now, I was annoyed. I had been with the little girl for about 5 minutes and I think it is irresponsible to not know where your 2 year-old is for 5 minutes. I get annoyed that people think the store is a safe place to let their kids run wild. IT ISN'T. Not only are there sharp edges to run into and benches to fall off of and when you are climbing shelves or fake ladders I freak out that there isn't an adult around to discipline.

Let's face it...I would have never gotten away with behavior like that.

If I had torn a book, my parents would have bought it and we were going home, never to return to that store.

If I had taken all the stickers out of a book and stuck them all over the table and on other, non-sticker books, my parents would have bought them all, peeled off the stickers and taken me home, with a spanking.

If I was climbing on the fake, non-weight bearing ladder that Frog & Toad climb on, I would have been yanked down and spanked and then we would go home.

I'm pretty sure if I was missing for more than a moment, my parents would have done the frantic run up and down the aisles yelling my name; and when they found me, they would tell me not to wander off, and we might even go home.

Essentially, I was (and probably still am) more afraid of my parents than the police, I would have rather gone to jail at the age of 8 for tearing a book or breaking something in a store than face the consequences of my parents. And my parents weren't even strict, but they PARENTED.

So I was annoyed and I'm sure it was in my voice.

Anyway...after mother and daughter were reunited, I told my boss that mom didn't even know her daughter was lost (which is very common). Then I went on my 15 minute break and stood in the line for a cup of coffee. The woman yelled at my boss, and then saw me in line and came and yelled at me...She said it was "inappropriate" to imply she didn't know where her child was (even though she didn't know). She said she was "right there" (even though she wasn't). She said she watched her kids (even though she wasn't). See the pattern. I fought right back and said she was lost for several minutes and was calling for her (most parents hear "Mommy!" and look to at least see if it's their kid). I told her I was concerned about her safety and THAT IS PART OF MY JOB. The woman said she was with the 6 year-old who was reading to her. Was that supposed to support her in the argument or me? I told her that was nice, but the little one was scared and calling for her. I did NOT apologize, but you can be sure, the next time a kid appears to be lost (which I hate because I can vividly remember feeling lost as a kid) I will look the other way until asked to do otherwise. I don't need to be reprimanded for doing my job and caring about a kid. F. F. F. FML!

Why are my knees wet?!

2009-07-01T11:56:00.002-05:00

So, I walk into kids and see a pile of stuffed animals. Not that unusual, annoying, but sorta common. I kneel down in front of them and start putting them back on the shelves they call home. After I have separated Dora & Diego from the Backyardigans and Wonder Pets, I realize my knees feel wet. Something has leaked through my pants from the carpet and my knees are wet...hmmm...IT'S URINE! PEE! Someone has pissed on the carpet and instead of cleaning it up or telling a bookseller, they covered it up with our stuffed animals...DISGUSTING!

I don't know who did the hiding, hopefully it was a kid who was embarrassed and not an asshole parent, but it is was a kid...WHERE THE EFF WERE HIS/HER PARENTS!?

I tell ya. FML, F this job.

I had to go home, shower and change. That should never happen. I should never encounter human waste. Puke.

IT HAPPENED!!!

2009-05-18T17:23:00.002-05:00

I got the question! Okay, not the exact question, but someone asked for "Ballet Shoes" on Sunday! Maybe it was the fact that one of the cable networks was running "You've Got Mail" back to back, but it was pretty neat.

Customer: Do you have "Ballet Shoes" and "Dancing Shoes?"

Me: You mean by Noel Streatfeild?

Customer: Yes.

Me: Sure, right over here. (Me in my head: OH MY GOD!!! YIPPEEEEE!)

Restoring my faith in bookselling.

2009-05-16T10:39:00.003-05:00

I watched "You've Got Mail" last night. I find that I need to watch it every so often so I don't march into my boss' office and put in my 2 weeks. It reminds me that kid's books are awesome and that I would never work anywhere else in the store.

Plus, it is sad when the store closes and in the current economical situation, I need a job. I should just be happy I have a paycheck and deal with obnoxious kids, rude parents, jerk-face bosses and incompetent coworkers.

I also get some satisfaction from trying to ID the books in the background when they are in the bookstore, Shop Around the Corner & Fox Books. Plus, I would like to think that I am not as clueless as that guy who doesn't know what the "shoe books" are. I think I know my section pretty well.

Yesterday, I even helped a woman find a book and all she knew was that it was a novel for kids that won an award and the word "green" was in the title. It was "Green Glass Sea" by Klages. It won the Scott O'Dell award. I didn't even have to use the computer.

Best. Question. Ever.

2009-04-13T21:52:00.002-05:00

"Do you have a pooping section in the kid's section?"

Sadly...we do, but we call it "Growing Up"

And the winner is...

2009-01-26T20:34:00.003-06:00

The new ALA winners were announced today...I haven't read any of them, but I own "Savvy" by Ingrid Law, which got a Newbery honor. I often recommend it for the kids that like Harry Potter.

It makes me wonder a little, though. Do you think Neil Gaiman was awarded the Newbery award just for this new book, or is it more of a lifetime kinda honor. Has anyone read "The Graveyard Book" and can honestly say it is his best ever?! Let me know.

Out with the old...

2009-01-06T21:39:00.004-06:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Did anyone see Dick Clark last week? It was sad, but I was glad he was on. It will be upsetting if they ever take his name off and just have New Year's Rockin' Eve with Ryan Seacrest. I love Ryan, but he has many years to go before he can be Dick Clark.

My new year's resolution was to bring my lunch to work everyday so I didn't have to buy it figuring I would save money and calories...so far I am 0 for 6. But, since the first week after holiday is nuts with returns and under staffing, I am allowing myself to have a mulligan and plan on bringing lunch from here on out unless it is someone's birthday or I am having some kind of lunch date. I even have a new orange lunch tote from the bf so my meal will stay cool.

Phew.

2009-01-06T21:36:00.002-06:00

Made it through another holiday season. Can't believe it was my third! Seems like just yesterday I was fighting with the PDT...oh, wait, it was yesterday. :)

I can't read these picturebooks without tearing up

2008-10-04T11:51:00.004-05:00

Dog Heaven by Cynthia Rylant
Someday by Alison McGhee
The Velveteen Rabbit by Margaret Williams
Before You Were Mine by Maribeth Boelts
Love You Forever by Robert Munsch

Do you have any? Please share!

Just a Little Nugget from our Cafe' (No, not our Starbucks)

2008-09-23T19:29:00.002-05:00

"This cappucino tastes like coffee."

Where's your mom?

2008-09-22T11:15:00.003-05:00

Since when is it acceptable for children to make huge messes in a place of business. I honestly want to know the exact moment that retailers lost their backbone. Was it the McDonald's coffee lady? (What, my coffee's hot and could burn my crotch?!) I really am curious. Will it ever go back the other way? Will we be able to state what should be obvious and tell someone their behavior is inappropriate because what they're doing can more accurately be called vandalism or theft? If I went into a clothing store like, the Gap, I wouldn't put on some clothes and wear them around the store all day then take them off, leave them on the floor and let others walk all over them. That would be ridiculous. But replace "put on" with "read", "clothes" with "books", "wear" with "spread", and "take them off" with "not put them away" and you have exactly what happens every single day. UGH!

Why do we allow people to abuse our store and why aren't I allowed to tell someone they are damaging that book past the point of it being saleable without the fear of a higher-up coming down on me?
It isn't okay to break the spine of a book you haven't purchased.
It isn't okay to do the crossword in the NYTimes without buying the paper.
It isn't okay to slobber on a stuffed animal you have no intention of buying.
It isn't okay to take all the stickers out of a book and stick them on all the pages of the book.
It isn't okay to copy all the information on Hawaii, LSAT, how to bake bread, etc. out of the book and leave it strewn all over. Libraries are better equipped for that and you already pay for them through your taxes, so use them.
IT ISN'T OKAY TO LET YOUR KIDS DO ANY OF THE ABOVE, EITHER.
YOU HAD THEM, YOU NEED TO WATCH THEM!
(and I charge $12 an hour to babysit, so unless you wanna chip in on my hourly wage, I am not gonna watch your kid while you go shopping in the mall - yes, people do this. Are you one of them?)

My tears make me strong...

2008-09-15T17:53:00.003-05:00

I cried a little at work yesterday when I saw the huge mess on the stage...not on the table...on the floor, on the benches, on the carpet...everywhere but the table.

How it is possible to tear the entire cover off a Star Wars pop-up book?! Could I do it? Even if I physically could, morally I would die. Were there any parents around?! How about a fellow bookseller *ahem* worthless older lady that works every Sunday when we're really busy and stands at the customer service desk reading the new People instead of doing her job *ahem* taking the time to straighten kids and pick up reshelves...let alone helping any customers that may be in that section.

I am totally jealous of my friend Beth who just moved to New York and works and a store in Brooklyn. She says that the leads in her store actually spend a majority of their time in their sections. AMAZING! They aren't covering the cafe and getting yelled at by snots that can't believe they don't know what to write on the friggin' cup when they order a "4 shot dry vanilla cap in a grande mug", or backing up the registers because the newly hired wretched lady is slower than molasses on a winter's day, they are doing what they do best...selling the books they love to sell. How novel...get it, novel...it's a nerdy book joke. :P

Do you work here?

2008-09-05T10:00:00.003-05:00

No. I'm just carrying around piles of books and pushing this cart full of them while wearing a nametag answering the portable phone in my pocket and scanning books with this expensive computer thing. Isn't that what you do at stores you don't work at?!

Funniest Thing Ever.

2008-08-26T20:31:00.001-05:00

Spaghetti Cat:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oMyHuCVaRaE

What exactly is happening in that wardrobe?!

2008-08-18T23:05:00.002-05:00

standing at the Customer Services counter at work
Me: Hi, How can I help you?
20 something male customer: I'm looking for the Chronicles of Narnia.
Me: Sure, did you want the kid's one or the adult one? (referring to the cover art)
TSMC: Um...wait...(whispering)..is the adult one, like, dirty?!?
Me: No, it just has a different cover. (supressing laughter and trying not to pee myself)

Thanks, random guy, for the bright spot of my day!

thisclose

2008-08-15T20:04:00.001-05:00

to saying, "fuck it, I don't need this shit".

DO. NOT. TOUCH. ME.

2008-08-15T19:59:00.002-05:00

Do not ever sneak up behind me when I'm scanning books on a shelf and in the creepiest way possible squeezy-massage my shoulder to get my attention. Never ever. Even if you are dying or mute. There are plenty of other non-stalker ways to ask a question. You already abuse the products we sell, don't molest the staff. And since I already put up with the handsy manager on a daily basis, the next customer that doesn't respect my personal bubble of space will be knocked upside the head with whichever book I have in my hands. I'm scanning dictionaries next, so watch out.

Hey, New Kid

2008-08-15T19:57:00.001-05:00

If you don't stop saying the title of every single book you scan before you put it on the shelf, you aren't going to last very long. Not because of your incompetance, but because it's very hard to deliver good customer service with your mouth stapled shut; it scares the kiddies.

Breaking Dawn!!

2008-07-30T16:43:00.003-05:00

So, we're only 2-ish days away from the release of Stephenie Meyer's new book (the 4th in the Twilight Saga). Being a true fanatic I can't wait for the release and the party we are having at the store. If you haven't read the books yet, do. You totally have time to read the first 3 before Friday night/Saturday. I'm sure I'll be done with Breaking Dawn by Sunday night. I'm so excited that even the brattiest of children (or their parents) can't ruin my good mood. Happy reading Twilighters! And I for one am hoping for Bella's happily forever after with Edward. Sorry Jake!

Do you guys sell chapstick?

2008-04-18T10:13:00.002-05:00

No.

5.2 Earthquake in....IOWA?!

2008-04-18T10:09:00.002-05:00

Holy cow! Last night I was awoken by an earthquake! I live in the midwest, in Iowa...not exactly the seismic center of the U.S. Maybe the Hawkeye state was just California Dreamin'? Luckily there was very little damage.

I am a puppy-loving pigeon!

2008-04-02T21:52:00.004-05:00

It's finally here! A new pigeon book by Mo Willems! We also have a new pigeon plush to go along with it! Highly recommended for readers of all ages.

I'm (not) sorry but we don't....

2008-04-02T21:43:00.004-05:00

...carry every single book in the whole world in our store.
...have a pay phone anymore, get a cell phone already, it's 2008.
...accept Starbucks' Gift Cards because we are not a Starbucks.
...think you are buying that trashy romance novel to read to your class so you probably shouldn't use your educator discount to purchase it.
...let you check out books or buy back old books you don't want (unless you return them for store credit; then we'll take any piece of crap off your hands).
...fire anyone for incompetency.

Today a woman asked me...

2007-10-15T21:28:00.000-05:00

...where our box of communal reading glasses was. Umm....we sell them if you'd like to purchase a pair to use while you read magazines in the cafe and then not put them back, I'll show you the display.

MISSING

2007-09-25T13:16:00.001-05:00

One Thomas the Tank Engine Display Train

Distinguishing marks: Smiling face, blue train engine, the #1 painted on side of engine right next to "B&N" in large black Sharpie letters.

Last Seen: 9/23 - In the hands of a devil child heading into the ladies room with his equally evil mother and grandmother.

Current Whereabouts: Unknown.

If you have any information about this lost little engine, please e-mail.

It's beginning to look a lot like....Halloween

2007-09-14T22:11:00.001-05:00

Then why do I have a shelf of Christmas books in the back already?!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wsq3Vhjg89s

I'm a sucker for things like that...

Excuse me, Sir?!

2007-09-14T22:09:00.000-05:00

Don't drink the water. Seriously. One time, I saw an old man put his hand in one of the pitchers of free water (on the condiment bar in the cafe) and strain out the ice with his fingers and put the ice in his Arby's cup. Yuck. I'll never drink that water again.

I hate our plush.

2007-09-14T21:59:00.000-05:00

Why does our store carry stuffed animals. Don't get me wrong; I love our Knuffle Bunnies and our Cordoroy Bears. But why do we have random cats and dogs? All that happens to them is they get drooled on and damaged out. That's gross. Imagine all the times they have been on the floor and how many times kids with colds kiss them and put them by their face and the snot that rubs off. GROSS! I wish we had really high shelves our plush was displayed on and customers had to ask for assisstance to get it down. Because ultimately, WE ARE NOT A PLAYGROUND OR TOY STORE! We are a bookstore. :p

2007-09-05T01:41:00.000-05:00

I love this comic strip...It's spot on

Is that what I think it is?

2007-09-05T01:13:00.000-05:00

Not too long ago I found a turd in the garbage can under the computer desk in kid's. That's right, a turd. Just a turd. No TP or wipe or Kleenex, nothing. It made the entire section of the store smell. My biggest question about the whole thing: Who picked it up and what did they use to do so?

We are not a library...

2007-09-05T01:09:00.001-05:00

"Umm...Can you, like, copy this for me?"
"No. You can buy the book, but I cannot photocopy pages out of it for you."
"Ah...Why not?"
"Because the sign on our door says 'BookSELLERS' not 'Public Library'."
"Oh, what's the difference?"

This exchange happens every three months or so. C'mon people!

Please watch your children...

2007-09-05T00:59:00.000-05:00

A bookstore is not a free babysitter. Trust me. I don't get paid nearly enough to watch your children destroy the displays I work very hard (maybe just hard) to create. Don't leave your kids in the store and go off shopping in the mall. I will call the police. I have before. It's neglect or endangerment or something. Just don't do it, okay?